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Random Opinions & Observations by; Pedram Moallemian

Top Ten Signs You’re a Fundamentalist Christian

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Laugh Away!

From: Best of CraigsList, Phoenix.

10 - You vigorously deny the existence of thousands of gods claimed by other religions, but feel outraged when someone denies the existence of yours.

9 - You feel insulted and “dehumanized” when scientists say that people evolved from other life forms, but you have no problem with the Biblical claim that we were created from dirt.

8 - You laugh at polytheists, but you have no problem believing in a Triune God.

7 - Your face turns purple when you hear of the “atrocities” attributed to Allah, but you don’t even flinch when hearing about how God/Jehovah slaughtered all the babies of Egypt in “Exodus” and ordered the elimination of entire ethnic groups in “Joshua” including women, children, and trees!

6 - You laugh at Hindu beliefs that deify humans, and Greek claims about gods sleeping with women, but you have no problem believing that the Holy Spirit impregnated Mary, who then gave birth to a man-god who got killed, came back to life and then ascended into the sky.

5 - You are willing to spend your life looking for little loopholes in the scientifically established age of Earth (few billion years), but you find nothing wrong with believing dates recorded by Bronze Age tribesmen sitting in their tents and guessing that Earth is a few generations old.

4 - You believe that the entire population of this planet with the exception of those who share your beliefs — though excluding those in all rival sects - will spend Eternity in an infinite Hell of Suffering. And yet consider your religion the most “tolerant” and “loving.”

3 - While modern science, history, geology, biology, and physics have failed to convince you otherwise, some idiot rolling around on the floor speaking in “tongues” may be all the evidence you need to “prove” Christianity.

2 - You define 0.01% as a “high success rate” when it comes to answered prayers. You consider that to be evidence that prayer works. And you think that the remaining 99.99% FAILURE was simply the will of God.

1 - You actually know a lot less than many atheists and agnostics do about the Bible, Christianity, and church history - but still call yourself a Christian.

Written by Pedram

July 13th, 2006 at 12:05 pm

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5 Responses to 'Top Ten Signs You’re a Fundamentalist Christian'

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  1. I’m an agnostic and could spend all day sharing my criticisms of christian theology, its absurd leaps of logic, and the hypocrisy of most of its practitioners, but most of the things on this list could apply with equal force to fundamentalist islam as well.

    S.A. Smith

    16 Jul 06 at 8:57 pm

  2. So what do you think of regular Christians?

    Mahsheed

    17 Jul 06 at 11:42 am

  3. Just the same way I feel for “regular” moslems, jews and others, I feel sorry that regular christians need a fantasy to base their life on. Great post.

    Agnostic

    18 Jul 06 at 1:57 pm

  4. Yikes. Someone like me, a non-fundamentalist Christian, has to cringe when I think that many people think this is what ALL Christians are like. How about if you post one that would be, “You know you are a fundamentalist Muslim when…” and put things in there like, “You believe it is your responsibilty to dehumanize infidels and rid the world of them to honor your God.” Christian, yes. Fundamentalist, no.

    Nancy

    20 Jul 06 at 4:57 pm

  5. Nancy,
    Nice reply. He could add one for the Baha’i’. One for the Zorastians and so forth but it would be equally as offensive to non-fundamentalists of those religions as it is for non-fundamentalist Christians.
    Mahsheed,
    You might be right in your reply to the meeting post from today.

    Anonymous

    21 Jul 06 at 1:25 pm

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