January 24, 2004
Who Da Man?
Grant me the privilege of tooting my own horn for a bit on this post. Hey, if I don't, who will? I am very proud of myself. Not proud in some macho chest-thumping, self-appreciating or gloating way, but the exact opposite. Yesterday, I was able to be most humble, expose my weaknesses, leave myself vulnerable and show how illogical I can be. I don't know if it came across in some weak, negative way or was appreciated for the true and honest effort that it was, but I felt totally out of control and very exposed, yet I managed to go through with it. It needed to be done as I needed to be honest with myself and with my own feelings. Even if I made a total fool of myself, which I may have.
It felt like a big bungee jump or freefalling even, with the cord being in someone else' control or handing over the parachute release to a yet-proven friend and I'm truly not expecting much to come out of it either. But at least I know now that I can still do it and will leave the rest to fate. I think I have done my part now, and for that I'm proud of myself.
Now back to our regular programming.
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